“Fancy rowing across Windermere for charity”, asked Ivan,

“No problem mate just reminds me a few days before” in my best Popeye voice.

So that was in February and on the 6th of May we arrived at Windermere for a reccy and a practice – “LENGTHWAYS – THERE AND BACK, 21 miles, you’ve got to be joking, forget the practice we’ll get enough tomorrow, lets have another beer”.

So it was that on the following morning, Windermere was a dead calm, the sky’s overcast, perfect rowing conditions and the 22 crews huddled together listened intently to the safety briefing.

“Now remember – this is not race” – and as if it was an echo, a muffled reply came back

“Like hell it is”.

Team Windmill assembled around boat No 30, first job Captain Ivan commanded, “better bail it out don’t want to carry too much extra weight around”, and each and every one sucked in and cast a frown at each other’s waist line. So the boat was bailed and filled with, high energy drinks, Chocolate bars, sandwiches and……… more water carefully stowed fore and aft for perfect trim. With the rudder carefully adjusted to minimise drag and the rowing pairs decided it was time to line up at the start with the first batch of boats.

“Hey Rob, slow down we’re still tied on”

With John (50) and son, Rob (24) on the oars first, Bob (49) navigating and Captain Ivan (47) on the helm things were looking promising.

“How long shall do for each stint” was the question on every bodies lips – try 20 minutes, how about 25, lets just go till we’re knackered and so 30 minutes it was.

John and Rob hit a steady rhythm, settling easily into third place – just the metronomic sound of the oars in water and the occasional “ Steady on Rob, stop trying to rip the arse out of her” could be heard floating over still water. Before long second place was consolidated and the first exchange about to take place – nearly an eight of the way and just half an hour gone “Hey guys, we might not need the torch after all”.

Captain Ivan issued the command and like 4 drunkards out of “put me in a Longboat till I’m sober” fame, we crawled up and down the boat to exchange. Now having brought only a quarter inch thick leather gardening gloves and being surrounded by teams of athletes with designer cycling gloves I thought it best to at least look the part,

“Rob, can I borrow your gloves mate”,

“No problem, just give me a minute” and unbeknown to us a crucial minute was lost.

But off we went again and soon hit a fine pace, slowly hauling in the lead boat, a team of two giants of men and two ……..ladies.

It was like a red rag to a bull but before we could catch up – steam boat Ivan was out off puff and an early change agreed.

Thro the Islands adjacent to Bowness with the odd oar touching the bottom we were making for the Ferry crossing and the quarter way mark in good time, less than five hours was on the cards.

“How shall we keep the support crew off the wine”

“ Give em a call and tell em to go to the car park at the ferry terminal, they can watch us go past, two women one map it’ll take em all day to find it”

Past the Ferry terminal we were the lead boat out of the first batch of starters but with two boats loads of the fit boys from the second batch hot on our heels it wasn’t long before we were overtaken and the wake from the overtaking boats threatened a capsize. Good-hearted banter was exchanged and we again settled into an easy rhythm.

Another change and we hit – well not quite – the turn round point in 2 hrs 10 minutes – with encouraging cheers ringing in our ears from excited on-lookers we pulled away for the second leg. Now Captain Ivan had a cunning plan and when the girly boat went past he took command and veered to the East side of the lake amid severe protestations from young Rob. “Stick to yar bloody rowing and put your trust in an wily old salt” chirped Cap’n Ivan

“Silly old sod more like,” muttered Rob but a mutiny was avoided.

And so we drifted away from the field, very peaceful it was, but eventually we cut across and the girly boat started to come back to us.

The phone rang again, the girls had just arrived at the Ferry crossing and were waiting in the car park, another half hour and we would be shooting past and the encouraging cheers would spur us on for the final quarter. But as is the way of things when gossip and a warm van gets in the way, time just flies by and we were long gone before they remembered what they were there for.

But now Windermere decided to let us know what a tough challenge it is and the heavens opened and lifeless lake erupted into a boiling cauldron – well it drizzled and got a bit choppy –BUT WE WERE KNACKERED.

It was nip and tuck with the girlie boat, but a tactical switch, which saw Pinsent and Redgrave row a long last stint, which in the end just did us and we had to settle for fourth place, just 30 seconds behind.

As the man said – “It wasn’t a race”